“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
This time of year it’s difficult to not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the busy holiday season. In my home we celebrate every year Christmas, and the traditional holiday depression/anxiety. I always get nervous my gifts are too small for the people I love, or maybe I’m not doing the Christmas season right. The childhood Christmas classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas, as quoted above, I feel this time of year I turn into a Grinch when I don’t mean to be. 2016 has been the year that tested every ounce of strength I had, to the point I was ready to give up on my small heart that I was sure didn’t exist.
Majority of this past year I have been battling severe depression and anxiety. Some days it was difficult to put one put in front of the other, because I wanted to shut everyone out from the suffering I have been carrying around my entire life. This time of year is hard because I miss my loved ones who made Christmas so special are gone, and to me all I want is to come home to my Nana cooking her peanut butter blossoms that aren’t burnt in her mind since she scrapped the charred bottom off. I’d happily eat them no without the complaints as I did as a kid. People have asked me this year what did I want for Christmas? I couldn’t come up with anything, truly. I couldn’t think of any trinket or gift that would equal the significance that I’m still alive for this Christmas. This year alone I’ve been to the crisis unit twice, have stood over the ledge of bridge but knew enough to walk away to get help, continuously just wanting the gift of my suffering to end. I’m working on starting to feel whole or worthy of the fight yet this year I discovered I have a backbone.
With tear filled eyes talking to my Mom about how I was scarred about Christmas, being not enough stuff or things to show my gratitude of having to put up with me. She looked stunned/relieved that what was bothering me because for her all she wanted for Christmas this year was for me to still be alive. That moment I felt like the Grinch yet again when his heart grew, it was the biggest relief someone could give me. I forgot Christmas isn’t about the things; it’s about the people you share it with. So if you get annoyed with certain family members, or not like what they buy or cook. Just be grateful you still have them, because so many people this time of year mourn their losses for loved ones they’d give anything to still have here. I’m grateful for my family, my girlfriend Juliette, my dogs feet that smell like fritos, and to be able to live another day.
In the quote below I hope even a childhood classic can still teach you invaluable life lessons, make you feel less like a Grinch, and makes your heart grow.. In case no one has told you today, I love you,and you are beautiful. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays from my Grinch heart to yours.
“Welcome, Christmas, bring your cheer. Cheer to all Who’s far and near. Christmas is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas Day will always be just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart, and hand in hand.” Enjoy the people you spend it with, be honest to your loved ones what you are dealing with, because they could be the ones to help turn on the light.”